Yesterday, my department hosted presentations for a philosophy seminar class made up of senior undergraduate students which included a free lunch. I attended for the four hours along with a few other students and faculty. Oddly enough, it was one of the most enjoyable experiences I had this year in my program. There’s something about presentations that I love. When they are philosophical presentations on social issues, I’m even more happy.
Afterward, we went to a local bar and a few hours rolled by. Not the best plan since I have three papers due in a week’s time, two of which haven’t began. But it was good times.
I gained a lot of interesting thoughts during the presentations. One thought I had was on equality.
The presentator was talking about welfare, how our current mindset is to offer welfare to the “Other” to make ourselves feel good. We designate these people as unfortunate or weaker than us, give them aid, and make ourselves feel superior. This seemed only like the liberal side of the coin though. What about those who don’t think they deserve welfare and don’t want to help and still feel superior?
Equality fit the problem perfectly. It’s because, in America, for the most part we assume that everyone is equal. “Anyone can become President” which only seems more real with Obama.
But the truth is that we’re not equal. We’re not the same. Not only do we all have radically different experiences and early lives, we do not need or even want the same things.
The problem is fundamentally judging my life towards some standard, often my peers. I have a certain expectation of what I deserve and what should happen. If my peers make 50k then I should be making around 50k. If my peers are getting married, I should be getting married. If last year I made 20k then I should make more than 20k this year. There is this absurd vision of continual progress upward in every meaningful area. There’s this idea that I deserve just as much as anyone else. There’s this idea that if someone isn’t doing well then it’s completely their fault. I am the sole responsible actor for my own success and failure.
Absurd.
Maybe, it’s the K-12 education where we progressively learn more and mature physically each year that gives us this sense of continual progress. Maybe, it’s the media. Maybe, it’s the stories we are told. I don’t know.
Equality is a source of justice and inspiration. Equality is a source of misjudgment and false expectations.
Even more fundamentally, all of it is grounded in a false idea of self. A self that sees everything only through its own eyes. Yesterday, sitting next to one of my professors, I constantly was self-conscious of how he might be viewing me. Every time he turned towards my direction, does he want to talk to me? Is he reading my notes? Is he judging my posture? Absurd.
What is alcohol but just a way to remove this over active self-consciousness?
In a way, I feel so very detached from everything and everyone. In a way, I keep hearing the call towards spiritual inclinations. In a way, in a way.
