June 1, 2010
He completes his masters degree and leaves to head back to his hometown. But there’s no one really there anymore except for his parents. Daily life is too underwhelming, he quits his job, he quits living this type of life. He goes to Massachusetts to do longterm meditation. Maybe a few months, maybe a few years. But there’s this lingering guilt no matter of abadoning one’s family and responsibilities. The only responsibility to an Other that he has. And he cannot ask for permission because it’s like asking someone to sign their own death certificate. That very guilt is the last and only barrier to enlightenment.
June 1, 2010
Although a lot of people were cynical, he fulfilled his plan of making a million dollar business within a year. He’s pulling in tens of thousands of dollars a month and free and independent from any higher boss or tied down to any specific location. He pays to take lessons and have coaches and trainers in everything. He helps his friends make their own business and he spends a lot of his time improving himself, meditating, martial arts, languages, etc. Things aren’t perfect but he has a boundless opportunity that he never had before. His singular fear of everything crashing down one day is gone. He also…in a sense…buys his freedom from his single overwhelming guilt of taking care of his parents. The future is boundless.
June 1, 2010
Completes his MA degree but continues full time in his computer career. He has three favorite shows he watches devoutly, he goes out every weekend and makes new friends. He gets a girlfriend, he puts in his 40 hours, and all in all he’s another guy. He takes comfort in that everyone shares his joys and his burdens. Somewhere, deep down, his soul slowly is dying away though. Likely the alcohol, the cellphone, the constant texting, twittering, and everything else keeps him from noticing. The most likely future for everyone of this class.
June 1, 2010
He laughes. Most of his friends are doctors, lawyers, professionals, and graduate students.
———–
There’s a strange thing that happened ever since my vipassana experience. I talk more freely about my experiences than I probably should (although I’m not sure why it’s wrong to talk about it though..).
Yesterday, I picked up a book, a book I had read from countless times. A book of Krishnamurti’s lectures/talks. I read three or four pages and got to this part where it said something like neither good nor bad, just what is.
And my mind blanked out. The words literally become unfocused and looked like just symbols without being letters. Breathening and Heart slowed down, eyes blinking reduced dramatically, and my mind was so quiet that I could Hear the silence of the room. It was so silent that it was present.
Besides my eyes getting watery, I never had this experience of words becoming unreadable symbols. It reminded me of a tale by a stroke patient where the phone numbers become just weird lines without any meaning to them. My scope/range of vision also expanded just like Alan Watt’s spotlight rather than laser light analogy.
Now, I have read this book before and typically it can calm my mind down but never this type of radical emptying of mind.
It’s as if there’s some body intelligence, some part of me that just automatically responds and adjusts accordingly when I read or hear or see certain things, lectures, passages. It happens without me intending to or even thinking about it.
And of course, I couldn’t sleep for another hour or two afterward. But what the hell was that? I need to know.
