The same type of questions have been running through my head for years now. While I keep wondering whether I could ever leave these questions and be interested in more “normal” things, I’m coming to realize it’s just not me. The more I ask these questions, the more it becomes a part of my character and identity and the more the thirst grows. Unless something more powerful, like an instinctual need, such as food, shelter, or companionship appears, these questions occupy my mind.
What are these questions?
Generally, it comes down to what’s the meaning of life and what’s the importance of religion beyond its social or psychological functions? The two questions are linked together because I think ultimately religion does try to provide some guidance or tools to answering that question of existence. Naturally, this leads me to be interested in psychology, existential philosophy, people who seem to get “It”, happiness, and so on.
From my view, the distinction between Christianity (and most versions of religions) and Buddhism (specifically its contemplative and meditative aspects which I’m sure have counterparts in other religions) is how they address this question of meaning.
Christianity provides a clear answer. Eternal life and salvation through a relationship with Christ. The concrete daily activities of developing this relationship is another question. Seems to be a matter of Bible reading, being part of a Christian community helping others and spreading the Word, and helping to improve the conditions of the weak and disadvantaged. This is the best portrayal of Christianity I can offer. A relationship with the Absolute Being, beyond anything of this world, beyond being or nothingness. Thinking of mystics at that point.
Buddhism, for me, provides the counter answer. Not even an answer really. It’s that the very question and need for answers, for some permanent meaning is derived from a false sense of permanent selfhood, of wanting a fixed identity, to know “Who am I?” and assuming there’s an “I” in the first place. In Zen, there’s two schools, one focuses on koans and the other focuses on zazen meditation. Koans are typically something like “Who am I?” asked repeatedly over and over. Zazen is observing without judgment one’s body and thoughts to the point of completely deconstructing the entire facade. The koan I feel serves a similar purpose of breaking through the mind’s thoughts by asking an impossible to ask question and arriving at the absolute zero (counterpart of absolute being, Buddhism’s yin to Christianity’s yang). In that absolute clear state of mind, of being just one’s experiences, one is freed from asking or needing an existential meaning.
When I look at people, it seems obvious to me that most people live under subconscious habits and affixed to certain meanings to give purpose to their lives. Which is not necessarily bad…
After so many years of analyzing myself back and forth, push and pull, I am very open to things, at least in principle. In principle, I’d love to make friends with anyone, date any kind of girl, do any kind of job, practice any kind of art. In principle. In action and actual choosing, there’s the entire overwhelming rush of instinctual hormones and social habits that influence my actions before it even hits my conscious decision making side of my brain.
And that’s one of the things that bothers me most. That in principle I’m okay with so many things. With poverty, with wealth, with whatever. But as Osho said, if you really knew something then there’s no question of acting on it. Really knowing something means there’s no hesitation.
And looking back over my years, I see how much an influence Osho had over my thinking. Freshman year reading 100 pages of his talks in a single night shaped my brain and spoke to me in a way that no one else ever had before. These days I don’t pickup his books as much anymore, but his spirit and ideas still permeate throughout my writings, my interpretation of philosophers, and everything else. And the more read, the more it just seems that either he was at the forefront of the surrounding shift in all fields from philosophy to psychology and medicine and/or that he was before his times and new popular fields like positive psych are just confirming what he already had been saying.
But I’m going off a tangent here.
What I’m saying is just as Nietzsche, Becker, and Sartre showed clearly, every human being is born with a ?. In previous generations, social needs and traditions gave each person a permanent answer to their meaning and place in the universe. With Copernicus overturning man’s central place in the universe (of course, hundreds of years before Indian scientists had already discovered Earth was not the center of the universe and it wasn’t such a big shock for them…it’s amazing how we interpret everything through Western eyes and say it as if it’s true for everyone).
With democracy, equality, individualism, downfall of religion, and rise of objective scientific positivism, we have a unique situation now.
And ultimately the only two paths are trying to hold back to past traditions (keeping those socially given answers to people’s meaning) or to embrace this radical individualism and seek Buddhist enlightenment (removing the question itself altogether).
The third option, ever since the 1900s I guess) has been this vague, do whatever makes you happy. This permission to do anything and everything. Alcohol, sex, drugs, wealth building, power building, etc etc. This was the answer that Sartre and Becker gave, no absolute good answers possible but can at least work towards helping people’s freedom was their formula. Kierkegaard said this radical situation was the optimal condition for the leap of faith.
Being pushed in this direction towards finding meaning, it seems absurd and impossible to sit down and say we’re going to remove the question itself. Yet, to me, that is my ideal way and the only path that seems legitimate to me even if there are others.
Ultimately, when you’re doing something that is meaning at the moment, there’s no question of what’s the meaning of life. When among friends, when dancing, when doing anything I subconsciously judge to be good to me, there’s none of this existential despair. The question is shattering the expectations of what makes a good or meaningful action. Of remembering how beautiful a sunset is. To remembering that nothing in this life is guaranteed or permanent and so one shouldn’t expect or desire it to be so. And the damage we do to the world and others by trying to make it so is truly regretful.
We have a duty to take care of our bodies and live well while we are here but not to expecting infinite praise, fame, wealth, or other absurd goals that our nighttime dreams and daydreaming betray our real desire. It’s so simple…and yet so hard. The path of Dao is straight and wide but people love shortcuts.
It’s strange now that I’m being pulled in two directions and not sure whether they’re compatible or divergent.
In one sense, I want to improve my body and my mind. I’m learning social pickup, I want to start exercising and getting into yoga or taichi, I want to open successful business, be a good public speaker, and in Augustine’s terms, becoming a vain human being.
But on the other hand, I’m exploring meditation to uproot these damaging habits and misinterpretation of reality which ultimately I think only will help my “vain” pursuits by offering perspective and not being needy.
